The problem of Infatuation

 

The Problems with Infatuation

Missing parts of Reality: By exaggerating their virtues and downplaying their flaws, you are not seeing the whole person. Love is not blind. It sees all that is there and still loves.
Impaired Judgment: Like a junkie, you will go to unhealthy, sometimes humiliating lengths, to keep them.
Unsustainable: Dopamine requires novelty so you will eventually build up a tolerance after you get use to each other. It can take up to a year or two, but eventually, it will be harder to have the same buzz as you did in the beginning.

This is natural. It doesn’t mean you are falling out of love. When the chemical cocktail dries up, the relationship either moves into a loving one based in reality, or there is disillusionment, and the relationship ends. People who jump from relationship to relationship are craving the intoxicating effects. They are “infatuation junkies”.
Real love is based on being fully aware of all your partner’s qualities. You can actually see the whole person, the good and the bad, and ugly. You love them in spite of, or because of, their struggles. It’s based on mutual affection and respect.

 

How to Get Over Them

If you have broken up or it’s hard for you to imagine the relationship being anything long term, there are a few things you can do to overcome your addiction.

Be Active. Start doing all the things that use to bring you joy before you got involved with this individual. You had a life before you meant them. Get it back. The happier you are in your life, the less you will miss them.
Manage your stress. You think you’re over them, then you have a tough day, and you’ll catch yourself thinking about calling them. Stress inhibits your ability to think rationally. Do not contact them. Call a good friend or go out and have fun. Exercise!
Remove All Evidence. When a junkie is kicking the habit, it’s important for them to avoid triggers such as visiting the bar where they use to get high or passing the corner where they bought the drugs. They need to establish new routines, friends and activities. So do you. All reminders of them such as clothes, cards, rings, or anything that reminds you of them should be removed from your life. I generally do not suggest avoidance, but in this case, it will make recovery easier.
Consciously Change Your Thoughts. You will think about them, there’s no avoiding that. What you can do is change WHAT you are thinking about them. Anytime you catch yourself fantasizing about how wonderful it was, make a list of all the things you didn’t like about them or the way they treated you. The wiring and chemicals in your brain may have a strong influence, but you are still the one in control.
Treat Yourself. For every week or month you go without seeing or contacting them, give yourself a reward. Create a little of your own dopamine by finding some joy.

Eventually, in time, you will be happy again. And in a few years, you’ll be able to look back on the relationship and see things you couldn’t see when you were high on dopamine. You’ll remember all if it, not just the selective memory you have right now. You WILL get through this.